With you, I feel again
by Sonia Ravenclaw
Summary: This is my take on what happened after the final. Sarah is frustrated and confused. The kiss didn't work and she is as lost as she was one day ago. But something that was slid under her door might help her understand what she had with Chuck and maybe get it back
1. Chapter 1

Sarah had been looking to the ceiling for more time than she can count but she couldn't help to move. Two days had gone by since Chuck had kissed her in that beach and her memories didn't come back. She didn't remember anything, not even one little stupid detail and she was truly frustrated.

Tears had been streaming down her face since she arrived to her hotel room. She wanted to remember so badly yet her mind won´t collaborate. She felt something, that's for sure, it just felt so natural; it felt… right. To be in his arms, his lips on hers fitting together like the pieces of a puzzle. The warmth she felt flooding her body was overwhelming and she didn't think she´s felt like that before.

She really hoped it would work, that Morgan would be right and that kiss would bring her memories back, would bring the old Sarah back, the one everyone seemed to love and care for, and make this Sarah go away, the one that doesn't even remember her husband, her friends or her niece.

Sarah was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear that someone was knocking on the door, and only got up when she noticed a small envelope sliding under her door. She picked it up from the floor and sat in bed again.

"Sarah Lisa Walker" was written in a beautiful handwriting and she was surprised to see that her middle name was written too, she has never said it to anyone.

Sarah opened the envelope and a little piece of paper fell off it. When she took it, she realized that the handwriting was messier, making her thing it wasn't the same person who wrote that, and the person the envelope came from.

"Sarah, I know you`re probably so confused right now but I think this belongs to you, and I hope that this will at least make you believe that what you had with Chuck wasn't just a cover. We all want the best for you Sarah, and we hope one day you will come back to us, and to Chuck.

Morgan."

She finished reading Morgan´s note and then took the envelope that was now lying on her bed. When she opened it there was a picture and a letter written in the same handwriting that the envelope.

She took a look at the picture first. It showed two people hugging and smiling. Chuck and her. She was in his back, laughing while he was holding her, laughing along. They seemed so happy that it hurt Sarah´s heart to see it. She then turned the picture to take a look at the back and found that it had something written.

"Camping Day, May 2011"

Then she took the letter. She didn't recognize the handwriting but really wanted to know what that letter said.

It wasn't really that long, but within the first line, it was crystal clear who wrote it; Chuck.

"Sarah, my dear Sarah:

If you are reading this it means that I´m not with you anymore. Maybe I died heroically trying to save you or maybe this life was indeed not the one for me and I paid the price. Either way, I want you to know that nothing that happened to me was ever your fault. I decided to become a spy myself and everything I did to protect you, it was worth doing.

Sarah you have to know that you are the biggest gift this life has given to me. I know that I have told you before countless times, but I don´t think I will ever say it enough, I love you with every cell of my body and I will always do. You are everything I didn't know I needed, but Sarah I can´t live without you and I know until the moment I parted, I did everything I could to keep you safe.

You know, you have given me everything I could have asked for, Sarah. From the day you entered my life it has been the most wonderful adventure of my life. You gave me your spy will not too long ago and said to me that if something were to happen to you, you wanted me to have it, because it was everything you were and know; well this is my spy will to you Sarah.

I´m sitting in our desk, and I don´t really know what time is it, but tonight was our wedding night, and the reason why I´m writing this right now and I'm not lying in bed with you is because of this memory playing again and again in my mind. Your nose bleeding, and a second later, you, lying unconscious in my arms. I thought you were dead Sarah, and you almost were, I could have lost you right there in matter of seconds.

Life is too short Sarah, I mean we saw that today, we see that every day. That's why I´m here. You made my life worth living, and gave me a reason to wake up. And the reason is you, Sarah.

Be happy, live your life and enjoy every second of it. I need you to be okay because I won´t be there anymore to make sure of it. Do it for me, please. I truly hope this day will never come but, if it does, believe me when I say you were worth it, worth the pain, worth the sacrifices, worth the sleepless nights but most of all worth the love. My heart is completely yours, forever and always.

You are my home Sarah, you have always been.

Chuck."

Sarah was sobbing by the time she finished reading. She laid in her bed and hugged the letter tight against her chest.

Her mind was racing and her heart was filled with emotions. She gave him her spy will? It was everything she knew, it was her, and yet she gave it to him long before they were even engaged. Everything was starting to become so real that Sarah felt how her heart ached at the thought of Chuck being dead, and at reading the words this man wrote for her, spilling his heart out.

She needed to remember, she needed to feel everything chuck described in his letter. Al the love, the passion and devotion she now was sure once felt.

Sarah got up from the bed and started to walk back and forth trying to calm herself down when she he stumbled over something that stuck out from under her bed.

She looked down and realized it was what looked like a book. She took it out and sat down in her bed again, to see what it was.

Pulling it out from the sheath where it was guarded, Sarah gasped.

"Sarah´s album of memories"

When she opened it, a lot of pictures appeared. It mostly was Chuck and her in the pictures.

She looked through some of them when one picture captured her attention and one second later something flooded her mind.

 _People were everywhere. Music could be heard in the room and everyone was laughing, talking or dancing. She was happy, dancing with her arms around Chuck´s neck. One second later she was sitting and Chuck was kissing her arm, she was looking at a video where pictures and videos of them were displayed. Joy was everywhere._

Then the image changed. And the feeling of joy was replaced by sadness and uncertainty.

 _She was lying in bed. She felt tears flooding her eyes._

 _She was holding a white coat and found a paper._

" _It´s Chuck´s proposal plan-whenever since he lost the intersect… the proposal plan got put on hold"_

" _Why? Did he think I wouldn't want to marry him without the Intersect? Is that how I made him feel?"_

" _Chuck knows that you love him Sarah"_

" _I do want to spend the rest of my life with Chuck, with or without the intersect"_

The image changed again, this time it was Chuck´s living room.

" _Sarah do you love me?"_

" _Chuck I fell for you a long, long time ago, after you fixed my phone and before you started defusing bombs with computer viruses, so yes. Yes"_

Soon Sarah came back to reality, tears streaming down her face. She was shaking and feeling so dizzy. She was remembering. She let out a small laugh. She was remembering. She was replaying the memories over and over again to make sure she wasn't going to forget again.

This was real.

With no second thought she took the letter and she run out her apartment and went to the one place she shouldn't have ever left.


	2. Chapter 2

"Focus on the road Sarah, focus"

She was repeating this to herself the whole way to Chu— their home. Images of what their life used to look like flooded Sarah´s mind and she was amused by everything she just remembered and felt again.

She had turned on the radio to find a cd inside. She pressed play and the tune of a strangely known melody dilled her ears. "Birds flying high, you know how I feel" Suddenly she felt safe and another memory hit her. The feeling of a body next to her, legs tangled made her skin shiver. Trying to calm down, she took a deep breath and kept her eyes locked on the road, humming the song along.

She was going to get her life back, she had to.

The living room was a mess, but Chuck couldn't care less. He spent the last two days watching their engagement video over and over again and looking at their albums, sometimes crying over the pictures, sometimes just holding them tight, like they were the last proof that those happier times were ever a reality. He was feeling like someone took a reflex hammer and bludgeoned his heart over and over again until it was broken into a million pieces.

Honestly, what did I do to deserve this? That was all that Chuck could think at this point. He had been a good person all his life, but it didn't pay well to him.

First, he lost his mom, and soon later, his dad too. Then the whole intersect thing and almost losing his family more than once, and when he got his dad back, he was taken away from him, this time for good. And after everything that happened the only person that always were there for him no matter what, had been taken away from him in the cruelest way possible.

An image appeared in the television. Chuck and Sarah were at the Buy More, she was smiling at him, her face inches away from his. He stopped the video and just stared at that image for what seemed an eternity before he heard the doorbell ring.

He reluctantly got up from the couch and without paying attention to whom it was, he opened the door and went straight back to the couch.

"If you are Morgan, I don't really feel like playing videogames now buddy, but I'm sure Alex would love to. If you are Ellie, I don't want to talk about it seriously I just need to be alone. If you are Casey… well I didn't have anything prepared to say to you so just leave me alone" he said, his face locked on some point between the TV and the wall behind it.

"I guess since I wasn't included in that speech I can come in?" Sarah said, standing there looking at him.

Chuck froze in that same spot. He would recognize that voice anywhere, but he wasn't quite sure he was awake and he wasn't hallucinating. After a few seconds he turned her head to look at the beautiful blonde that was now in the hallway.

Eyes locked in hers, Chuck couldn't bring himself to say a word, so he just stood there looking at her like he had seen a ghost.

"Ehm… Sarah why—, I…" he didn't really know what to say and his brain's shorting was certainly broken now, but before he could continue talking Sarah interrupted him.

"Chuck, wait. Before you say anything let me speak first." Sarah took a deep breath. "I remember"

Chuck´s face changed from surprised to confused. "What?"

"Yeah I know, I didn't believe it myself but its true Chuck I am remembering. I was in my hotel room and suddenly flashes of you and me started to pop in my mind and I-"she sighed" I just had to come to tell you. This is good Chuck" she smiled and went to reach him, but when she tried to touch him he took his arm away.

"Chuck wha—" Sarah took a step back.

"You don´t" Chuck´s voice had a bittersweet tone. He was looking at her with a face she only saw once, when she almost killed him.

"Chuck, I'm telling you that I remembered!" Sarah certainly wasn't expecting this.

"No you don't Sarah" he let out a small hurt laugh "you have already done this once, remember? You faked everything, you laid in bed with me and told me you loved me but it was completely fake Sarah. I'm done suffering like this. I've had enough; just let me grieve your loss." His eyes were so cold, so Chuck-less it scared Sarah.

She couldn't even start to imagine how hard this had been for him but, she was the one with no memories for gods shake! And she was here, telling him that she was remembering, expecting that he could love her back and instead he was actually rejecting her.

Sarah closed her eyes keeping the tears at bay. After a few seconds she decided she had to prove him she was telling the truth.

"You know, the first thing that I remembered was our pre wedding party." Sarah smiled at the memory playing in her mind "We were dancing, and laughing. Then we were kissing and you showed me this beautiful montage with videos and pictures of us together. It was truly beautiful"

Chuck opened his eyes widely while listening what Sarah was saying. He wasn't able to articulate a word. had stopped working.

"Then you had been kidnapped and oh, I was such a mess. Then I found out about your proposal plan and I decided I had to get you back one way or another." Sarah stopped talking for a second and looked at Chuck that was still like a statue "But the one that really hit me hard was seeing you rejecting me when I told you to run away with me in Prague. I could feel my heart breaking in that exact moment, and Chuck as soon as I regained these memories I came straight here because I need you, and I need you to know that I never forgot how loving you felt, at least my heart never did"

Chuck was looking right into Sarah´s eyes, like he was looking for something. "Who told you those stories?"

"Chuck nobody told me anything, they just came back!" She was starting to despair, but Chuck didn't hear anything that she said, he was too focused on his rant.

"Was it Morgan? Casey? My mum? Was it Ellie? I swear to god that—"

Sarah couldn't keep herself together anymore and tears were streaming down her face at this point. In a last attempt to make him believe her, she went and kissed him.

The moment their lips touched it was like if a current ran through their entire bodies. He just felt it, this wasn't just someone faking, this was Sarah. His Sarah. She was trying to express everything with that kiss, the love, the need, the pain. She just needed him to know. Just like the one she gave him when she found him in Thailand, almost lobotomized. It was completely desperate, though this was slightly different. It was like being born again, like finding something you shouldn't have ever lost.

They separated a little just so they could catch a breath, and while Chuck could only look at her, she had her eyes closed, hoping the kiss was enough for him and without wanting to see his expression, in case it was the one she couldn't bear to watch. He looked at her, so vulnerable, and he didn't have to think it twice before pulling her again in another kiss, this time less rough, but still passionate and desperate.

"I love you" he whispered to her, making her open her eyes.

"I love you to Chuck, more than I can express" and she kissed him again. A few moments later and without breaking the kiss Chuck took off Sarah's jacket and she started to unbutton his shirt, both of them lost in each other.

Chuck pulled away only a few inches "are you sure you want to do this?"

After all he has suffered; he still worries about her more. "Yes, I am completely sure" and she kissed him again. He took her from the hand and guided her to their bed. Then they let all their love for each other bloom once again.

Chuck woke up first; the first rays of sun bathing their bed awoke him. He looked at the figure lying next to him. Her blonde hair was covering part of her calmed face and the sun light made her look like a goddess. Chuck kissed her forehead and decided to make some breakfast.

He was sitting in the kitchen table while the toasts were cooking when he saw a white paper on the hallway that must have fell from Sarah's coat the night before.

He took a look at the toasts before reading what the envelope said. When he saw what was written in it Chuck´s face turned white. "This can't be possible". He pulled out the paper inside the envelope and covered his mouth with his hand. How could she have this? He never took it off the place he had chosen to hid it from her and the only person that knew about this letter was—

"Morgan" Chuck put his head on the table and stayed still. "I can´t believe Morgan gave Sarah this"

He took a look at the letter. He really pulled his heart out. He was so concentrated that when Sarah entered the room, he didn't even noticed.

"Morgan slid it under my door last night" she said, making him turn immediately and put the letter down "He told me that he wanted me to understand that what we had was real" she smiled a little "I have to say that this letter touched me more than you can imagine, and I didn't even remember one thing when I read it" she took his hand "But it made me believe you, and thanks to that, and the picture attached to it, my suppressed memories fought their way back to where they belonged, and so did I"

Chuck kissed her tenderly, and then pressed his forehead against hers.

"Don't ever leave me again" he said, looking right into her eyes.

"I won´t, I would never leave my home"

So, that was it! I hope you guys liked my version of what happened after that kiss on the beach.

I just love Chuck so much and I hope I made justice to this wonderful TV series!

This was some kind of prologue to my Chuck vs. the New Life series. It will take place sometime in the future and will be about Chuck and Sarah´s new life, along with the rest of the gang.

I would love to read your opinions in the reviews!

xxxx Sonia


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